Honestly I do love my DR. that I've been seeing! He's thorough and sweet and really acts like he cares! I had my regular exam on the 5Th which went well! Dr. McCafree and I went over the next steps to be taken now that I have not gotten pregnant! I had been instructed to contact the hospital and have them fax all of my surgical records to Spokane! So when I met with the Dr. we went over them! Let me tell you did I have my eyes opened on how unfair things can be for good people! As he re-reviewed my notes he tells me that when the baby "settled" if it would have gone 1 and I'm saying ONE millimeter the baby would have been fine. Now, who REALLY wants to hear that? Are you serious right now! Totally awesome! Oh and get this, it gets better! Only 1% of women have Ectopic Pregnancies! 1%! Isn't that GREAT! So I'm just FULL of bad luck! I swear don't touch anything I've touched it just might be contagious! So we finally get done going over everything and he explains to me that my surgery will determine if I can have children or if I cannot!
Ya know I'm 26 years old and I know heavenly father loves me, but the thought that always runs through my head is, "WHY?"! Why me? Am I being punished? Why not me who wants this? Why would you give babies to people who are drug addicts, alcoholics, and people who'll abuse them? Are those people better then me? Now don't get me wrong, I know how this works and I know this is not how he works, but there are times you get SO frustrated, hurt, tired, annoyed and absolutely terrified! The past few weeks I have been all of it! Let me tell you my poor husband and my poor mother! I'm sure they can't stand me by now! I've cried more in the last few weeks over this then I have the last 2 years we've been trying! I think I'm just tired of wanting this so bad and catching a little glimmer of hope and having that little bit of hope crushed! I do what I can to be strong for other people, I mean 4 of my friends are all pregnant with there 2ND or 3rd baby and I couldn't be happier! But inside I feel I die alittle every time I hear someones expecting and I hate myself for it!
So I have a Pre-Surgical exam on the 3rd with the surgeon that my DR. recommended me to. After that appointment I'll schedule my d-day! So I'm totally not excited, I'm not going to hope for anything. I just want them to tell me I'm OK! So, I just want to say thank you for listening to me! I've cried through this whole blog that's how bad I am right now! I want you all to know who visit my blog that I absolutely adore you! All my girls who are pregnant, don't you dare feel bad for me or pity me! I'm so happy for you guys and I wouldn't have it be any other way! There is no way I could not be happy for a life! Especially when people special to me have created that! So I love you guys and take care!
7 comments:
Hi Andrea.
My grandma, mom, aunts, & cousins all go to Dr. McCafree in Spokane. I have also heard what a great doctor he is.
You are in my thoughts and prayers as you go through all of this.
I am glad you have such an amazing family to rely on through all of this! :)
First of all, I LOVE YOU!!!! After reading your post, tears came to my eyes. I'm sorry you are going through so many problems. Things are definetly confusing and like I always tell Josh, when I get up to Heaven, Heavenly Father better be prepared to answer so many questions I have. :) Some of my family members and some strangers I have met have had some problems getting pregnant too. Just don't give up hope. Always keep in mind that there is always adoption. I was adopted and is so grateful for it. You mentioned how people who don't live righteously can have babies, well those babies are sometimes left and need good parents like you guys. We plan on adopting one day and can't wait!!! Yes, they might not look like you or share the same blood, but they are still yours. I do not look anything like my parents but they are and always will be my parents. (Sorry for the ranting) You guys are in our thoughts and prayers. Keep smiling that beautiful smile and let us know what we can do for you guys.
I feel silly commenting because you don't me at all, but I just wanted to tell you that I am thinking of you and your struggles and hoping(and knowing) that someday you will get your miracle, which ever way it comes. Hang in there!
Andrea,
I hope that you keep your head up. I'm sorry that this is so hard for you and just like Jade I know people that have gone threw the same things. I know that it took my mom about 9 years to have me. So my brother and I are about 10 years apart. But I know that someday wether it is having a baby or adopting you will have your baby:) I will keep you in my thoughts.
Annie, you are truly an amazing, strong person! You made me cry as I sat here reading your post. Wouldn't it be great to know RIGHT NOW why we are given the trials that are put on our plate?! I guess its not knowing that builds our faith and brings us closer to our Father in Heaven. I know I have asked myself multiple times, WHY ME in certain situations. Just remember (as hard as that may be right now) HE has a plan for you! Stay strong, you amaze me. You are in my prayers. LOVE YA!
Andrea-
I have contemplated what to write because I know that I have a child, and as hard as my pregnancy was and my miscarriage, I can't imagine what you are going through. Please DO know that you are in my prayers and thoughts and that I do care about you. I know how bad you want a child, and I pray just like the rest of these guys that you will get that miracle. You are a child of god and I know that our heavenly Father loves you and cares about your prayers and he will answer them, maybe not in the way we thought but he will! Hang in there! You are in my thoughts and prayers.
You are loved and amazing. I hope all goes well for you!!!
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